


Dancing on my own

by MicroscopicMurder



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Dancing On My Own, Heartbreaking, Jealousy, Multi, Pettiness, Sad, Songfic, VidCon, clingyness, idk - Freeform, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicroscopicMurder/pseuds/MicroscopicMurder
Summary: And I’m in the cornerWatching you kiss her oh oh ohI’m giving it my allBut I’m not the guy you’re taking homePhil gets a new girlfriend and Dan gets jealous





	Dancing on my own

**Author's Note:**

> So if you read this then you should probs listen to Dancing on My Own covered by Calum Scott, it was inspiration for this trainwreck of a fic i guess?? so yeah once the lyrics show up just like listen to it then.
> 
>  
> 
> Also i haven't written in forever so this is shit ;p

Jealousy was an ugly thing for Dan Howell.  Well, you could reason that it’s ugly for everyone, but for Dan it was  _ especially  _ ugly.  Ugly like staying up later than usual, which Phil didn’t really notice at first, seeing as Dan was a night owl.  Ugly like stealing Phil’s phone and reading all his texts.  Ugly like hiding his shoes when he  _ knew _ Phil had somewhere to be. And Dan knew, he  _ knew _ that it was wrong, him and Phil weren’t even together, in fact, Dan wouldn’t even admit to himself he had a crush.  Yet the second a new person would so much as step into their lives, Dan’s level of pettiness grew substantially. 

It was three months before they were scheduled to go to Vidcon when Phil came home one afternoon looking very pleased.  When Dan asked, he simply said he had met a girl at Starbucks and that they had hit it off really well. Of course Dan was happy for him, as he always was, or seemed to be, whenever Phil was.  They celebrated that night by staying up late watching anime, and when Dan got sleepy, he tried to ignore the way Phil’s arm wrapped around his shoulder to guide him back to his own bed.

 

A week after that night was when Phil introduced them.  It wasn’t on purpose, the two were out getting morning coffee when they ran into her, Sophie, Dan realized her name was.  She was young, blonde, and  _ very  _ pretty. Dan could see why Phil liked her, she was amazing, like him.  When they got coffee together, Dan remembered how uncomfortable it was to be the third wheel.  Phil and Sophie never really even looked away from each other, and after about fifteen grueling minutes of it, Dan excused himself back to their apartment, saying he wasn’t feeling well.  He cried when he got back.

 

Phil and Sophie had been together about a month before the jealousy  _ really  _ set in.  Phil had gone out to get coffee, as usual, and he left his phone at the apartment, on his bed.  Dan didn’t really mean any harm, but it was  _ so easy _ to do.  When Phil got back, he said that Sophie didn’t show up for some reason. Dan comforted him and said that it was ‘probably just a misunderstanding’, and proceeded to handle the situation by cuddling on the couch with Phil watching anime the rest of the afternoon.  He wasn’t proud of texting Sophie with Phil’s phone and cancelling their morning plans, and if you asked him, he’d never admit it.  

 

The second month of them being together was torture for Dan.  Phil was constantly out with her, and it got worse when he started bringing her back to the apartment.  He didn’t even ask! Suddenly this  _ girl _ was hanging out in their living room with Dan’s best friend, and he was too afraid to confront Phil about this obvious intrusion of space, so he resorted to spending more time in his room than normal.  All that time alone did absolute bull for his mental health.  Phil had known about his depression, so why was he doing this to him? Whenever he could, he’d sneak out of his room and hide Phil’s shoes in absurd places around the house.  Dan reasoned that if he couldn’t find his shoes, then he couldn’t leave him.  

 

By the third month of the two love birds falling all over each other, Dan was bordering insanity.  He practically never came out of his room, and he refused to record, even for the gaming channel.  When Phil would try to talk to him about it, he’d just say he wasn’t feeling great, or he wouldn’t respond at all.  His fans on Twitter also noticed his absence, but most of them were too busy freaking out over the new picture Phil had uploaded of  _ Sophie and him _ .  He wanted to throw up at it.  Dan knew he was being a horrible friend, but he tried to rationalize.  Phil suddenly met this  _ women _ , whom he deemed important enough to let into not only his, but Dan’s personal life.  He barely knew her, but because Phil liked her, Dan had to put up with her snogging his best friend while situated  _ right  _ on Dan’s sofa crease.

 

It was a Saturday night, both Dan and Phil were alone in the flat, not because Phil didn’t have plans, but because Dan had again hidden his shoes, and Phil really didn’t want to have to go look for them.  By that time, Phil was awfully aware of Dan’s problem with Sophie, but instead of confronting him, he just cuddled with him on the couch until Dan fell asleep, then went out.  He knew Dan had trouble with some things, like being too clingy.  Phil felt bad about it,  but what was he supposed to do? Five years in an apartment that always seemed empty.  Five years without another person to cuddle at night. Five years in the cold reality of the friend zone.  For his own good, he reasoned, he had to move on.  Another person in the flat would do them both well.  Phil would deny he had feelings for the brunette snuggled up against his shoulder, and if you asked, he’d say he didn’t.  So why did it hurt so much when he noticed Dan suddenly coming to him every night like a lost puppy?

 

“Dan, hey, wake up Bear,” Phil found himself using the nickname moer since he got with Sophie for some reason.  Dan always responded to it better. “Hey, I have to talk to you about something.”

 

Dan shifted, but it was a minute before he lifted his head up and rubbed his eyes sleepily.  Glancing down, Phil pretended not to notice the way his eyes were clouded with tiredness, or how a red spot had developed on his cheek where it had rested before.  He made a questioning ‘hm’ sound, so Phil took it as his que to talk.

 

“So our lease is ending soon, and I was thinking about moving out…” He started.

 

“Well obviously, we’re not going to live in this place forever, you silly.” Dan chuckled a bit, rolling his eyes at the thought. Phil felt his heart drop into his stomach.  

 

“Dan, I don’t mean with you,” Phil looked down at his hands, playing with the blanket that covered both their legs. “I was thinking about getting my own place, not with Soph, just by myself.  I think it’s time we both become a bit more dependent, like you said, we can’t live like, well,  _ this,  _ forever.” He motioned to their positions on the couch, their thighs resting against each other’s.

 

“Y-you want your own, flat?” Dan managed, and Phil totally didn’t notice the way his eyes drooped, or how his hands suddenly stopped playing with the blanket.  

 

“Yeah, Dan. We have to stop acting like it’s still 2009, right? I mean, it’s been five years, god, even our  _ friends  _ think we’re dating!” Phil reasoned, “It’s time you let go, Bear.” Before Dan could say anything else, Phil stood and walked back to his room.  

 

_ Somebody said you got a new friend _

 

They were scheduled to leave for Vidcon in a week, and they had barely talked.  Dan didn’t know what to think.  Phil got a new lock on his phone.  A thumb print one.  

 

_ Does she love you better than I can? _

 

He was spending  _ so much time  _ with Sophie.  All Dan had to eat that day was a package of ramen. The two minutes out of his room to heat it up in the microwave felt like the longest in his life. Especially when Phil came in to find Dan sat on the floor, desperately trying to unlock his phone. Phil just shook his head.  

 

_ There’s a big black sky over my town _

 

Dan barely ever woke up.  When he did it was for food or to piss.  Three days before their flight to Vidcon, Dan peaked into Phil’s room to see packing boxes towered up the walls.  He felt like he was suffocating under them.  He didn’t ignore the way his skin burned when Phil brushed past him and closed the door.  He also didn’t ignore the silence that came with it.  

 

_ I know where you at, I bet she’s around _

 

They were supposed to leave for Vidcon in the morning.  Dan tried to think. ‘Maybe it’ll all go back to normal once we get there,” because for some stupid reason Dan was  _ still  _ holding out hope.  Phil would come back to him. He always did.  

 

The date grew nearer and nearer, the growing pit of worry in Dan’s stomach enveloping him completely.  Dan had just finished packing late the night before their scheduled flight when Phil knocked lightly on his doorframe.  Phil pretended not to notice the way Dan’s eyes have aged and ‘ _ dear god it’s only been three months’  _ , and he thinks Dan is just as surprised as he is, because his eyes hold onto Phil’s for a second too long.  

 

“Uh, hey Dan, I know things haven’t been great between us since…” Phil trailed off, and they both didn’t bother to finish his sentence.  Things haven’t been good between them since  _ her.   _ That  _ woman.  “ _ Anyways,” he continued,”I just feel like I should tell you that I’ve bought Sophie a ticket, y’know, she’s never been, and I offered.”

 

Dan was fuming. Sure, she was Phil’s girlfriend, but they’ve known each other for what? Three months? And he thinks it’s just  _ alright _ to let her tag along?  Dan didn’t need another sign to tell him he was being replaced.  After Phil moves out he’ll have Sophie to cuddle, to share an apartment with.  

 

“R-really? Phil, I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Dan starts, “I don’t know her too well, and I was excited for it to be  _ just us _ this year,” Phil doesn’t say anything, so Dan continued, “I mean, you barely know her! She could be some crazy fan or something, you wouldn’t even know!” 

 

“Dan, I swear she’s not like that! She didn’t even know I was a Youtuber until a couple weeks ago!” Phil spat back, “I’m not going to cancel my plans just because you have a jealousy problem!” That was the end of that conversation.  Dan turned away as Phil left and closed the door behind him.  They didn’t talk again until the flight.  

  
  
  


Dan couldn’t take it.  He knew Phil and Sophie had gone out to a club nearby, and Dan was seriously considering apologizing to both of them.  He had been kind of a dick to Phil, he accused Sophie of being a stalker! Dan knew he had to do  _ something.  _

 

He resorted to texting Phil first to see if he could get a reply.

 

**Dan:** hey phil, i want to apologize for being a dick

 

**Dan:** phil? hellooooooooo?

 

**Dan:** whatever, im on my way

  
  
  


As he approached the large neon sign over the club’c entry, he wondered how they could have gotten so,  _ broken _ .  They were great before, the YouTube power duo.  Dan knew he was being stupid.  He wished he could go back to before.  Why couldn’t he just be happy for his best friend?  They weren’t together, why was Dan so stupid?

 

Dan explained that his friend was in the club to the bouncer.  He was let in and suddenly his senses were overwhelmed.  Everything smelt of sex and alcohol.  Dan knew Phil never really drank, so he stayed away from the bar.  He walked further in, ignoring strange glances from other dancers.  Then he finally spotted the pair.  

 

_ I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh oh oh _

 

Dan stopped in his tracks.  Phil’s arms were wrapped around Sophie’s waist, they were kissing.  The song in the club slowed as they swayed.  They both looked so  _ happy. _

 

_ I’m right over here, why can’t you see me, oh oh oh _

 

Phil looked up after the kiss was over and locked eyes with Dan.  He wanted so desperately to apologize, or to just say  _ something _ , but Phil was already sending him a glare to rival the sun’s and Dan knew he wasn’t wanted. Not by Phil.  

 

_ I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home _

 

Tears streamed down Dan’s face as he turned and ran from the club.  Again, he received many strange looks, but he really couldn’t care.  All he could think of is how it sucked, and how he  _ seriously fucked up. _

 

_ I keep dancing on my own _

 

Dan called a taxi. He wasn’t proud of ruining their friendship, and if you asked, he’d deny it.  

 

Phil pretended not to notice Dan’s absence in the morning, but if you asked, he’d say he did. Five years was too long to just be friends.  

 


End file.
